Kids are playing gangster wars
They don't believe in Santa Claus
The baseball bats are soft of course
The blood is just tomato sauce
As icebergs go it's just the tip
The start of the apprenticeship
A short sharp Glasgow kiss me quick
Karate chop and Kung Fu kick


And in the wings the grannies wait
doing things that grannies hate
Queuing to accumulate
A pittance from the welfare state
Then back home on a forty four
Put the chain on, lock the door
Cross another five bar gate
Sit and wait


Don't open the door
Don't talk to strangers
You've not met before
Your guardian angel
Will watch over you
If your guardian angel
Has got nothing to do


In space no one can hear you scream
Because no one's really listening
Saint Peter's got his gates to clean
And God's too busy saving queens
To ever get down off the fence
And give the meek their inheritance


So it's only common sense
To get yourself some self defence



Don't open the door
Don't talk to strangers
You've not met before
Your guardian angel
Will watch over you
If your guardian angel
Has got nothing to do


And so we leave this nusery rhyme
This grizzly gruesome pantomime
From the cradle to a life of crime
And back again
And now it's time
To say goodbye